Homard Simson strikes again.

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Homard and da wife we took a little trip down to Monkeytown lass week for some nice crispy Deluxe French Fry fish an chip.

And who do we see there but our biggest hero of all time, Jackie Vautour!

Jackie had his favourite dish, poach clam avec la mountie sass, which made Homard very hongry but also very thoughtful on account of Jackie still trying to get his land back from Koochie-Boo de Quack!-Quack! national park, very famous for ducks down by Bitchiructo rate next door to Premier Needle-Nose hometown of Rectom.

Anyways, Homard regress.

Jackie was sayin' that he figgers he can get his land back by claiming Métis status.

Now, the regular native New Brunswickers like Homard ex-girlfriend Elsie Pogtog say Jackie is totally full of clams cause there's no such thing as a Metis in the pitcher province.

No Métis around here except only Manitoba, where they got a long histoire of natives night-clubbing out in the woods wit those wild and crazy Euro-trash fur trapper back in the 19th century.

No surprise they soon run out of beaver so natcherly, muzwell settle down.

So next thing you know, they got whole towns of Métis out there.

Not so much here, they say, because the local natives thought our European incestors here in New Brunswick was way too ugly to mate with.

Which is very disappoint to Homard because he was pretty sure he was also Métis on account of his great-great grandpappy, Euclide Alexander LaFramboise-Simson.

Euclide, he was very very Métis him, on account of that guy, he would mate wit just about anything that was still warm, according to the family "oral sexy history." According to the sexy legend of the Simsons, Euclide would mate with fellow settler female or male "" not that there was nothing wrong with that because they all looked pretty much the same in those day with no South Coal Branch Diet or Neet or Mr. Frederick of Hollywood steel-rebar foundation garment.

But he wasn't stop there!

Euclide would mate also with blind native and just about anything else; American tourist, property value assessor, porkypine (yes, yes, very carefully), squirrel, canoe, herring, hell even Scotchman if he was real hard-up.

Talk about your multiple organisms, la.

But anyways long story short, Homard figger Euclide was just about the same as every other guy back in those days which mean all us New Brunswickers are probly super-dooper-Métis because we are all related to each other.

Maybe this explain why Post-Partum Education Ministre Ed Doherty kinda look like a porkypine in the headlight last week when somebody took a leak in his document.

So, anyways, Homard is recounting all this sexy history because all the folks along the Saint John River are still waiting for those lazy buggers in Ottawa to cough up some flood relief so they can move back home.

Frig that, say Homard.

From now on all New Brunswickers are Métis, so dig all the clams as you want, Jackie move back to his place, everybody stop paying tax to Ottawa and with all the money we save just pass the hat and pay for sump-pump for the Saint John River people cause they are Metis too.

Only catch is we got to give the whole province back to the Mi'kmaq which is kind of a problem cause it wasn't ours in the first friggin' place so now Homard gettin' a headache.

So I guess we just leave the details to poor ol' Needle but now he's a Métis too so for sure, an apology from Ottawa (and some cash) and we forget the whole thing ever happen.

Homard Simson is a part-time smelt fisherman and Métis rights lawyer-in-training living in magical, mystical Cap-Engorge-sur-Mer.